Mother's Day and the smallest update...

Happy Mother's Day.
Today is crunch day.
Sam and I have 4 more scenes to memorize.
I have a ton of French work to do.
I'm hoping to start packing at some point today.
Jason and I have to rehearse this afternoon.
I have to find an outfit for scenes next Thursday and Friday.
Sam and I have to buy props and stuff, but she is out of town.
Last night, the girls of Studio III got together in Justina's room to watch Reign Over Me. It was nice.
Jenny is still in Italy.
I don't want to move out.

Go to PostSecret.com to view Mother's Day secrets.

Nothing more to say really.

love, jessieh

if you read it in a paperback, you'd call it fiction.

the planet should ache. it should hurt for its lack of understanding, awareness about the human condition.

and to know that this is why the population has become agnostic regarding matters of faith.

love, jessieh

to the readers:

I do not know what to write about.

I miss Jenny. She is away in Italy.

I miss the twins. They light up the world.

Today was orientation day. It was nice to see the rising students, one of whom is going to be our roommate next year. Her name is Jessika. She's quite talented.

Right now, I should be writing an essay on the meaning of Stanislaski's life. Some people spell it "Stanislavsky". I should also be lesson-planning for a 34 year old woman named May who lives in a motel located on the edge of Las Vegas.

Instead I am stopping here to make a list of happenings.

I am terrified about next year. Therapy went well on Friday. I babysit a six year old tomorrow morning. I am excited, I love children. Most people don't think I'd be good with kids because of my slightly cynical nature but I really love small children. They are so creative.

Being around kids is sometimes hard for me and I feel like I am challenging myself every time I spend time with them. Sometimes I feel really depressed after watching a child be a child. But it is a very beautiful experience, they just do kid things, play pretend and run around and become horses and lions and dogs and they ask you to be the dog catcher and you can show them card tricks and they don't even try to figure it out, they just revel in the magic of it. Without hesitation or questions.

Tomorrow, Sam and I show the film "Searching for Angela Shelton" and lead a discussion about it. I'm really excited and I hope people show up. We went on the awareness walk on Wednesday. It was nice and personal and small group, and the girls from my Studio tagged along so I am hoping it meant something to them as well. We gave our acting instructor a sexual violence awareness ribbon and he put it on proudly. An advocate from the local rape crisis center is also coming to speak tomorrow night.

My wisdom teeth are coming in and I am finding it hard to avoid my strong temptation to pull them out with pliers. I am still trying to lose weight. I still haven't completed the cover for Journal # 2800.

Our seniors are in a workshop production of Thorton Wilder's Our Town. It is very politically motivated and fresh which makes it so much more than a play about a small town. It's really become a play about many of the social concerns we experience today and it's powerful and I love it.

I'm listening to music right now and I feel relaxed and tired and good.

Scene work is going well. Showcase is May 16th and 17th. That's scary.

Sam and I still have to memorize the Roe v. Wade play.

We perform it on the 16th as well. I'm nervous and terrified.

The toenails are painted. Children everywhere are being abused in unimaginable ways. God loves.

love, jessieh

Sunday Morning Post (Time Flies)

I will write more very soon.

love, jessieh

Sunday Morning Post

If the following picture does not frighten you; nothing will.

Prom was last night. It was slightly enjoyable. There have been worse events in my life.

I have rehearsal today, I'm nervous for some reason. I am going to work some more in Journal #2800 today. I am excited. The cover work is almost done. My stomach hurts from the food last night. I've been eating very little these past seven days. Healthy, but little.

We lost seven pounds last week.

My dear Artconstellation is still away in Italy with her lover. I know they are happy.

I had therapy yesterday morning.

I miss my twins very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much.

---

Sam: What about my money?

Jessieh: You don't need your money.

Sam: What if The Rapture comes?

Jessieh: Sam, if The Rapture comes you won't need your money.

Sam: Yes I will. I have to pay off Jesus.

---

love, we

April is Sexual Violence Awareness Month

Three videos promoting awareness. Please be warned, these videos (especially the third) may prove triggering. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

For more information please visit the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) at http://www.rainn.org/. If you are a survivor of sexual violence and are seeking assistance contact RAINN's 24 hour, free, confidential Sexual Assault hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE.







love, jessieh

PS: More awareness oriented blogging to come.

137 Children removed from polygamist ranch (while we have shopping troubles.)

The following story made breaking news today while I was out struggling to find shoes for the prom I am dreading in a size 9.5. I have recently decided that not only does the fashion industry have their hearts set on selling skirts with less than 3 inches of fabric to my pubescent sibling but they also have no comprehension of it being one of the many reasons why 1 out of every 4 girls in this country now has an STD. I also realized today that I must lose 30 pounds in order to be able to fit into a a pair of jeans. There was ONE size 12 pair of pants in the ENTIRE store today and the store was not small. They had plenty of sizes 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, and even 9. May I state for the record: WHEN I WAS BARELY 100 POUNDS, THE SMALLEST SIZE I COULD FIT INTO WAS A SIZE 8. A SIZE 8 AT BARELY ONE HUNDRED POUNDS. Needless to say I am a little frustrated with the fashion industry's desire to have my hips and my feet fit into something a size 5, 6, or 7. And what is with cutting out the toe on a pair of pumps. That is just ugly. The average foot is not a pretty one. The average woman's body is not a size 7, it is a size 14. Perhaps the money spent making the piece of crap almost 3 inches of denim to make the horrendous skirts I found everywhere in the teen/junior department could be used to add an extra almost 3 inches to the waist of some of those could-be useful blue jeans-

but what am I complaining for; at least we have the ability to buy a pair of blue jeans. Things could be much worse.

Meanwhile, while I am griping about not being able to find a pair of shoes:

ELDORADO, Texas (CNN) -- Dozens more children and young women were removed Saturday from a Texas ranch that is home to members of a polygamist sect, as state workers investigated claims of physical and sexual abuse.

A total of 183 people -- including 137 children -- have been taken away since law enforcement officers raided the compound Thursday night, said Marleigh Meisner, a spokeswoman for the Texas Child Protective Services Division. The children -- most of them girls -- were being interviewed by special investigators, she said.
"We're trying to find out if they're safe," she explained. "We need to know if they have been abused or neglected." Eighteen of the girls have been taken into state custody. Authorities believe that they "had been abused or were at immediate risk of future abuse," said Child Protective Services spokesman Darrell Azar. The others were taken to a nearby civic center. Meisner described them as doing "remarkably well."

Read more about it Here.

love, jessieh

PS: I will write more soon.

The Girl by Marie Howe

While this is not my favorite poem by Marie Howe, it is one that feels appropriate for tonight.

THE GIRL BY MARIE HOWE

So close to the end of my childbearing life

without children

-if I could remember a day when I was utterly a girl

and not yet a woman-

but I don't think where was a day like that for me.

When I look at the girl I was, dripping in her bathing suit,

or riding her bike, pumping hard down the newly paved street,

she wears the furtive look-

and even if I could go back in time to her as me, the age I am now

she would never come into my arms

without believing that I wanted something.

An update on the traveling journal (and on the irrational grannies in my life)

Journal #2800 is ready.

I will be doing the cover artwork which I am excited and nervous about.

Thanks goes to the lovely Angie at Here and Now for starting this one.

love, jessieh

PS: Imagine what it would be like if we had just as many people out there protecting children as we have people protecting sex offenders. My previous post regarding ABC's 20/20 episode has triggered many anonymous comments from people essentially protecting sex offenders. I've written about a lot of child sexual abuse cases on this blog and things relating to child sexual abuse and never have I had such a lively audience, willing to speak out against child sexual abuse-but as soon as I start speaking out against the protection of sex offenders-comments are plenty. We have grandmothers even venturing out into blog world to let me know that they are protecting their grandchildren by protecting the rights of sex offenders everywhere. Because that makes sense and everything? While I am having a difficult time putting my finger on where the logic of that lies, I'm also packing to head back to school so for now all I can say is: Wow. People never cease to amaze me.

Dance Party with Angela Shelton

love, jessieh

Disney and 20/20 send mixed message regarding protection of children

From a featured article:
"On March 14, 2008, ABC's 20/20, a Disney owned company, aired a show challenging age of consent laws. To the dismay and shock of child advocates and Anti-pedophile bloggers and writers (a term coined for those who expose online sex offenders, predators and pedophiles), it was disproportionately favorable to the plight of sex offenders. The show featured a segment called "Vigilante Justice" in which they interviewed a child advocate who goes by the name "Petra Luna". The child advocate was clearly shown to be the antagonist as opposed to the sex offender(s), who were presented as the protagonists and victims.

Credible child advocates (as opposed to registered sex offenders claiming to be child advocates, whose offenses range from molesting preschoolers to teenagers) are gravely disappointed in the position ABC's 20/20 decided to take. Even more disappointing is the fact that ABC is owned by Disney. Parents might be caught off guard and falsely assume that Disney would take a more child centered position on sexual abuse.

While many reasonable people might support the pretense of 20/20's questioning Romeo and Juliet laws, which are "offenses" that often refer to younger teens "hooking up" with older teens or offenses with minimal age gaps, the show was surprisingly sympathetic to the sex offender, especially in their "Vigilante Justice" segment. Speaking on behalf of many child advocates and parents, we believe 20/20 mislead viewers by portraying the United States National Sex Offender Registry as made up of a significant amount of Romeo and Juliet affairs by conjecture only."

Watch for yourself:



I will post commentary to this segment of the show soon.

love, jessieh

The magical hunk of kitty cat goodness.

IF THIS DOESN'T JUST MAKE YOUR EASTER EVE, NOTHING EVER WILL:

Learn more about the incredibly beautiful owner of this feline named Lloyd and find more of the Magical Hunk at artconstellation.blogspot.com

love, jessieh

1000 Journals

.we are in line for journal #2800.

love, jessieh

The head pounds. One of those not-here posts.

For some reason today I cannot stop thinking about the Humanities Project.

The beautiful Sam and I are partnering up for this as well. The Roe v. Wade Project has been really wonderful working with her and I am so glad she decided to work with me for all of next year as well. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my role as a survivor of sexual violence in the project. The project's focus is sexual violence awareness through the arts. I often wonder how I would fit in the project if it were not a "personal" thing to me. It's personal for Sam too, personal in different ways. I'm sure I would have the same amounts of compassion and I'm sure my drive to see the end of sexual violence would be the same. I'm not making sense. I received a copy of Ellen Bass and Laura Davis' The Courage to Heal Friday in the mail. We are using it as a resource for the project but I've done some personal interest reading as well.

Sam and I have so much work to do this week for the Roe v. Wade Project. While it is incredibly exciting, it also has a certain level of expectation and stress involved.

I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed and am very relieved to know that I do not have school next week. It is going to be nice, to have time to breathe and think and practice and think and write and memorize and read.

The throat hurts, allergies.

Church this morning was beautiful.

Secret # 2, 158, 924:

Whenever I see women outside of abortion clinics with scary pro-life signs, I imagine someone from across the street calling the fire department and I imagine their pro-life signs being sprayed violently. I consider myself a fairly peaceful person and when I see women trying to betray their very right to choose with disturbing anti-choice signs, I want to throw something harmless but irritating at them, give them a pie in the face.

love, jessieh

Fool for Love (Scenes for the Spring)!

Right now, I cannot contain my excitement. My dear friend Ms.Hepburn and I are rejoicing. We both were assigned incredible scenes that will be so much fun to work on for the Spring. Our focus is transformation and getting out of our comfort zone. Ms.Hepburn was assigned a scene from Danny and the Deep Blue Sea by John Patrick Shanley, the character Roberta and I was assigned a scene from Fool for Love by Sam Shepard, the character May. My scene partner is, ironically enough, Ms.Hepburn's boyfriend, and my good friend, Jason (the character Eddie). The enthusiasm I feel is slightly overwhelming so for now I am just going to leave the last bit of stage directions and the last line from the scene-

---

From Fool for Love by Sam Shepard-

(He closes door. They stand there facing each other for a while. She crosses slowly to him. She stops. He takes a few steps toward her. Stops. They both move closer. Stop. Pause as they look at each other. They embrace. Long, tender kiss. They are very soft with each other. She pulls away from him slightly. Smiles. She looks him straight in the eyes, then suddenly knees him in the groin with tremendous force. Eddie doubles over and drops like a rock. She stands over him. Pause.)

MAY: You can take it, right. You're a stunt man.

---

love, jessieh

Politics again (and other things): The real McCain

It is my sincere hope that the readers of this blog feel welcomed and

I am going to try to be just as personal as I have been political recently.

It's really one of the few things I am able to quickly write about because it usually is text copied from another source. I have been extremely busy. We get assigned Spring Scenes on Friday. I had therapy today. It was most certainly unpleasant. I don't feel good. My head hurts.

Three good things about today:

1.) It's Justina's birthday. She is a my Studio-mate.

2.) I finished reading At the Colored Museum

3.) My dear friend Artconstellation has drawn a beautiful picture of her magical hunk of kitty cat goodness.

---

From NARAL pro-choice America:

The REAL John McCain is not the "moderate maverick" the pundits like to swoon over. The REAL McCain has spent the last 25 years doing everything in his power to roll back the reproductive rights we've fought so hard to protect.

If elected president, he has pledged to be the anti-choice movement's most faithful ally, carrying their water and enacting their dangerous agenda: "If I am fortunate enough to be elected as the next President of the United States, I pledge to you to be a loyal and unswerving friend of the right to life movement." [Statement by Sen. McCain read by Sen. Sam Brownback at the March for Life in Washington, DC, January 22, 2008.]

NONE OF THE ABOVE BOTHERED ME AS MUCH AS THIS DID:

"John McCain: I do not support Roe v. Wade. I think it should be overturned." [N.Y. Times, February 24, 2007.]

-We cannot go back to the days before Roe v. Wade. -

www.hillaryclinton.com

or

www.barackobama.com

love, jessieh

Tiptoe

"Tiptoeing through the used condoms strewn on the piers off the west side highway

sunset behind the skyline of jersey

walking towards the water

with a fetus holding court in my gut

my body highjacked

my tits swollen

I'm sore

the river has more colors at sunset than my sock drawer ever dreamed of

I could wake up screaming sometimes

but I don't

I could step off the end of this pier

but I've got stuff* to do

and I've an appointment on tuesday

to shed uninvited blood and tissue

I'll miss you I say to the river

to the waterto the son or

daughter I thought better of

I could fall in love with jersey at sunset

but I leave

the view to the rats

and tiptoe back"

-

"I build each one of my songs out of glass so you can see me inside of them I suppose or you could just leave the image of me in the backround, I guess and watch your own reflection super imposed"

-Ani DiFranco

Abortion Project, Dance Performance, and Family Time

We finished the rough draft of the Roe v. Wade project, meaning we finished our One Act Play on the History of Abortion in the United States. I am very very excited. It is finished. I have two Shakespeare pieces to memorize by Tuesday. I'm nervous about this. I spent the weekend with Mere and my twins which was really really exciting. I feel like it has been forever since our last time together.

love, jessieh

PS: We went to the Winter Dance Performance on Thursday night. It was incredibly impressive. The pictures in this post is a result from that. They were taken by Photographer Emery Watch.

Nice morning headlines to wake up to.

-HILLARY CLINTON WINS RHODE ISLAND, OHIO, AND TEXAS!

and

-14 Americans were arrested in child porn sting. Twenty children rescued.

love, jessieh

The most wonderful news right now.

HUCKABEE IS NO MORE.

I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THIS.

HILLARY WINS OHIO.

SHE WINS RHODE ISLAND.

OBAMA WINS VERMONT.

NOW WE WAIT FOR TEXAS.

RIGHT THIS MOMENT (11:39 PM est)IT IS:

HILLARY: 50%

OBAMA:48%

TOO CLOSE TO CALL.

I AM SO EXCITED.

love, jessieh