I will write more soon.
love, jessieh
Showing posts with label Trauma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trauma. Show all posts
6.01.2008
5.28.2008
making it home safely & parole board to release serial rapist
We made it "home" safely. It is so odd coming back for the summer. I had literally forgotten the amount of disfunction that exists in my family, I had somehow just avoided it (but that is easy to do when you live away at school with limited contact). I've been drawing more and more in my sketchbook. Only 13 pages to go and it will be complete. I'm excited. I've been reading Anne Heche's memoir. While the writing is not nessecarily impressive, she does offer an interesting look on incest, sexual abuse, cult-nature and religious affiliation. The church Anne Heche grew up in sounds alot like the church I grew up in. Which at times, when read properly, can sound very very alarming. I start transcription review on June 2nd. Jenny made it back to the US, safely. Oh, by the way, if you are ever wondering who she is when I make reference to her: This is my dear friend (and I ). But for now, I must scramble, clean up the the kitchen, brush my teeth, get ready for the day's events.
---
Childhood rape victim Tiffany Edens has no confidence in the Oregon parole board.
To her dismay, Edens had to sue the board to block the planned release of Richard Troy Gillmore — the notorious "jogger rapist" who committed at least nine sexual assaults in the Portland area in the 1970s and '80s.
"It's been a frustrating battle," she said in a recent interview. "It's been very wearing on me and my family. I think it's very unfair and very unfortunate that victims have to be revictimized years later by the institution that is supposed to protect them."
Gillmore's case has become a rallying cry for parole board critics, who say it demonstrated poor judgment about a sexual predator and shabby treatment of a rape victim.
"This guy is one of the worst rapists in the Oregon prison system," said Steve Doell, president of Oregon Crime Victims United. "God only knows what they were thinking in approving his release."
In the wake of Edens' lawsuit and a rebuke from a Marion County judge, the parole board agreed to reconsider Gillmore's case at a yet-to-be-scheduled hearing.
"It's been a true disappointment to see the parole board take the course of action that they have, although I think they've tried to rectify it now through the advice of counsel with this next hearing," said Russ Ratto, a senior deputy district attorney in Multnomah County who sued the board on behalf of Edens.
Edens clings to hope that the three-member panel will reach a different decision this time.
"He is a predator, he belongs in prison," she said. "He played normal and here he was a serial rapist, raping several women in his neighborhood."
Edens was 13 when Gillmore broke into her family's Portland-area home on the evening of Dec. 5, 1986. He threatened to kill the terrified girl, then raped her.
The Statesman Journal normally does not identify victims of sexual crimes. Edens asked to be identified by her maiden name. "I want other victims to feel that they can step forward, that they don't have to be held down," she said.
Now 35, Edens is married, the mother of three children and still lives in the Portland area. She is a blunt critic of the parole board, calling it "desensitized" to the plight of people whose lives have been ripped apart by violent criminals.
Between 1979 and 1981, Gillmore terrorized southeast Portland by committing a series of rapes. At that time, the then-unidentified rapist was known as the "jogger rapist" because he stalked his victims while he was jogging. After being arrested for raping Edens, Gillmore admitted to eight attacks linked to the "jogger rapist." He wasn't prosecuted for those rapes because they were too old under Oregon's then-applicable three-year statute of limitations.
A Multnomah County judge found Gillmore guilty of rape, burglary and two counts of sexual abuse in the Edens case in October 1987. The judge found Gillmore to be a sexually dangerous offender and sentenced him to 30 years in prison for the rape and burglary counts, with a 15-year minimum on each count.
The sentences were to run consecutively, meaning Gillmore had a 60-year sentence with a 30-year minimum.
In 1988, only a year after Gillmore was convicted, the parole board overrode one of his 15-year sentences. That made him eligible for parole in 2001.
The parole board nixed Gillmore's requests for release in 2001, 2003 and 2005. In September, it green-lighted him for parole. Edens said she learned about the board's release decision from her mother, who happened to check on Gillmore's status.
The notion of the serial rapist being back on the streets hit her like a lightning bolt, Edens said. Outraged, she and other family members contacted the parole board and "begged and pleaded" for a chance to testify. The board agreed to a rehearing in October.
In a hearing room at the Oregon State Correctional Institution in Salem, Edens faced the man who raped her when she was a junior high school student.
"That was really hard for me," she recounted. "It's like revisiting a nightmare. It was very surreal to see him after 21 years."
Edens urged the board to keep Gillmore incarcerated.
"To have raped so many women is a travesty," she testified. "But Richard Troy Gillmore only serving less than a third of his sentence for only one of the violent rapes he committed is an injustice to me and the seven other victims."
Multnomah County prosecutor Ratto also testified. He told the board that Gillmore would be "a monster on the loose" if let back into the community.
In his testimony, Gillmore described himself as rehabilitated. He wiped away tears when he apologized to Edens.
After the hearing, board members huddled behind closed doors — standard procedure — to discuss the case and reach a decision. After 45 minutes, the board returned to announce the verdict: Gillmore remained "a danger to the health or safety of others," but he "can be adequately controlled with supervision and mental health treatment which are available in the community."
The board set his release date for Dec. 18.
Edens dropped her head to the hearing room table and sobbed.
Even now, she can't understand why the board chose to let Gillmore out. She cited a psychological evaluation of him by Frank Colistro, a veteran forensic psychologist who concluded in a June report that Gillmore continues to "suffer from a severe personality disorder, one not amenable to community-based treatment or supervision."
"I couldn't believe that three professionals were taking a convicted serial rapist's word against an educated doctor's evaluation," Edens said. "I thought that was just asinine. They don't seem to understand who he is. He's one of these really sophisticated criminals, very manipulative, very sociopathic. He's a chameleon who can meld himself into whatever he needs to be so he can get what he wants."
To stop Gillmore's release, Edens and the Multnomah County district attorney's office sued the parole board late last year.
In January, Marion County Circuit Judge Paul Lipscomb blocked Gillmore's release pending a new parole-consideration hearing. He ruled that the board committed several procedural errors, including failing to give Edens proper notice about hearings and failing to provide a full written explanation of its decision to free Gillmore, despite finding that he was still dangerous.
It was a gratifying victory for Edens.
"That was really empowering for me and my family to have Judge Lipscomb really take the facts in, take his time and really make a good statement," she said.
Lipscomb said he lacked authority under Oregon law to reverse "any ill-advised or mistaken release decision" by the parole board. However, the judge added that he felt compelled to express concerns about the board's decision to free the rapist, noting that "the only available expert evidence documents that Gillmore is even more dangerous and less amenable to be safely managed in the community than he appeared in 2001, 2003, 2005 and in April of 2007."
After the judge's rebuke, parole officials defended the decision to release Gillmore in a written statement: "In deciding that Mr. Gillmore could be adequately supervised in the community, the board considered Mr. Gillmore's long record of positive prison conduct and responsible work history, the many classes and treatment programs he has successfully completed, as well as his understanding of his past criminal behavior."
The parole board could have appealed Lipscomb's ruling. Instead, the board ended the legal fight by agreeing to hold a new hearing. Plans call for Gillmore to be examined by two more psychologists prior to the hearing.
Awaiting the next round in her battle to keep Gillmore behind bars, Edens said she's eager to testify against him again.
However, she lacks faith in the board members who will decide his fate.
"I think a used car salesman could read a human being better than these three," she said.
agustafs@StatesmanJournal.com or (503) 399-6709
"It's been a frustrating battle," she said in a recent interview. "It's been very wearing on me and my family. I think it's very unfair and very unfortunate that victims have to be revictimized years later by the institution that is supposed to protect them."
Gillmore's case has become a rallying cry for parole board critics, who say it demonstrated poor judgment about a sexual predator and shabby treatment of a rape victim.
"This guy is one of the worst rapists in the Oregon prison system," said Steve Doell, president of Oregon Crime Victims United. "God only knows what they were thinking in approving his release."
In the wake of Edens' lawsuit and a rebuke from a Marion County judge, the parole board agreed to reconsider Gillmore's case at a yet-to-be-scheduled hearing.
"It's been a true disappointment to see the parole board take the course of action that they have, although I think they've tried to rectify it now through the advice of counsel with this next hearing," said Russ Ratto, a senior deputy district attorney in Multnomah County who sued the board on behalf of Edens.
Edens clings to hope that the three-member panel will reach a different decision this time.
"He is a predator, he belongs in prison," she said. "He played normal and here he was a serial rapist, raping several women in his neighborhood."
Edens was 13 when Gillmore broke into her family's Portland-area home on the evening of Dec. 5, 1986. He threatened to kill the terrified girl, then raped her.
The Statesman Journal normally does not identify victims of sexual crimes. Edens asked to be identified by her maiden name. "I want other victims to feel that they can step forward, that they don't have to be held down," she said.
Now 35, Edens is married, the mother of three children and still lives in the Portland area. She is a blunt critic of the parole board, calling it "desensitized" to the plight of people whose lives have been ripped apart by violent criminals.
Between 1979 and 1981, Gillmore terrorized southeast Portland by committing a series of rapes. At that time, the then-unidentified rapist was known as the "jogger rapist" because he stalked his victims while he was jogging. After being arrested for raping Edens, Gillmore admitted to eight attacks linked to the "jogger rapist." He wasn't prosecuted for those rapes because they were too old under Oregon's then-applicable three-year statute of limitations.
A Multnomah County judge found Gillmore guilty of rape, burglary and two counts of sexual abuse in the Edens case in October 1987. The judge found Gillmore to be a sexually dangerous offender and sentenced him to 30 years in prison for the rape and burglary counts, with a 15-year minimum on each count.
The sentences were to run consecutively, meaning Gillmore had a 60-year sentence with a 30-year minimum.
In 1988, only a year after Gillmore was convicted, the parole board overrode one of his 15-year sentences. That made him eligible for parole in 2001.
The parole board nixed Gillmore's requests for release in 2001, 2003 and 2005. In September, it green-lighted him for parole. Edens said she learned about the board's release decision from her mother, who happened to check on Gillmore's status.
The notion of the serial rapist being back on the streets hit her like a lightning bolt, Edens said. Outraged, she and other family members contacted the parole board and "begged and pleaded" for a chance to testify. The board agreed to a rehearing in October.
In a hearing room at the Oregon State Correctional Institution in Salem, Edens faced the man who raped her when she was a junior high school student.
"That was really hard for me," she recounted. "It's like revisiting a nightmare. It was very surreal to see him after 21 years."
Edens urged the board to keep Gillmore incarcerated.
"To have raped so many women is a travesty," she testified. "But Richard Troy Gillmore only serving less than a third of his sentence for only one of the violent rapes he committed is an injustice to me and the seven other victims."
Multnomah County prosecutor Ratto also testified. He told the board that Gillmore would be "a monster on the loose" if let back into the community.
In his testimony, Gillmore described himself as rehabilitated. He wiped away tears when he apologized to Edens.
After the hearing, board members huddled behind closed doors — standard procedure — to discuss the case and reach a decision. After 45 minutes, the board returned to announce the verdict: Gillmore remained "a danger to the health or safety of others," but he "can be adequately controlled with supervision and mental health treatment which are available in the community."
The board set his release date for Dec. 18.
Edens dropped her head to the hearing room table and sobbed.
Even now, she can't understand why the board chose to let Gillmore out. She cited a psychological evaluation of him by Frank Colistro, a veteran forensic psychologist who concluded in a June report that Gillmore continues to "suffer from a severe personality disorder, one not amenable to community-based treatment or supervision."
"I couldn't believe that three professionals were taking a convicted serial rapist's word against an educated doctor's evaluation," Edens said. "I thought that was just asinine. They don't seem to understand who he is. He's one of these really sophisticated criminals, very manipulative, very sociopathic. He's a chameleon who can meld himself into whatever he needs to be so he can get what he wants."
To stop Gillmore's release, Edens and the Multnomah County district attorney's office sued the parole board late last year.
In January, Marion County Circuit Judge Paul Lipscomb blocked Gillmore's release pending a new parole-consideration hearing. He ruled that the board committed several procedural errors, including failing to give Edens proper notice about hearings and failing to provide a full written explanation of its decision to free Gillmore, despite finding that he was still dangerous.
It was a gratifying victory for Edens.
"That was really empowering for me and my family to have Judge Lipscomb really take the facts in, take his time and really make a good statement," she said.
Lipscomb said he lacked authority under Oregon law to reverse "any ill-advised or mistaken release decision" by the parole board. However, the judge added that he felt compelled to express concerns about the board's decision to free the rapist, noting that "the only available expert evidence documents that Gillmore is even more dangerous and less amenable to be safely managed in the community than he appeared in 2001, 2003, 2005 and in April of 2007."
After the judge's rebuke, parole officials defended the decision to release Gillmore in a written statement: "In deciding that Mr. Gillmore could be adequately supervised in the community, the board considered Mr. Gillmore's long record of positive prison conduct and responsible work history, the many classes and treatment programs he has successfully completed, as well as his understanding of his past criminal behavior."
The parole board could have appealed Lipscomb's ruling. Instead, the board ended the legal fight by agreeing to hold a new hearing. Plans call for Gillmore to be examined by two more psychologists prior to the hearing.
Awaiting the next round in her battle to keep Gillmore behind bars, Edens said she's eager to testify against him again.
However, she lacks faith in the board members who will decide his fate.
"I think a used car salesman could read a human being better than these three," she said.
agustafs@StatesmanJournal.com or (503) 399-6709
---
I don't have anything to say about this right now. I am severely disgusted. It does not make sense, not human, logical sense. I think it is important to look at the other news coverage of this, where is it? Releasing a serial rapist back into society sounds like important news to me.
love, jessieh
5.18.2008
If you could see this room. (Plans for the soon future)
It is move out time.
The year has gone so fast.
I'm packing up all of my belongings and it is an overwhelming task.
I do not want to leave and moving out assists in my fears that for whatever reason I will not be back, I worry sometimes that I will die over the summer or lose the sanity I have left. These are fears not to be taken so seriously by myself the way I fear screwing up in tap class. Tap class produces feelings of panic so high that I want to throw my tap shoe through the glass studio windows and jump out. I would never do this, of course but the thought comes easily when everyone around me continues practicing their tap combinations at completely different rates so all the tap shoes are clanking in every which way and all that noise, dear God, I hate that noise.
I do not want to leave and moving out assists in my fears that for whatever reason I will not be back, I worry sometimes that I will die over the summer or lose the sanity I have left. These are fears not to be taken so seriously by myself the way I fear screwing up in tap class. Tap class produces feelings of panic so high that I want to throw my tap shoe through the glass studio windows and jump out. I would never do this, of course but the thought comes easily when everyone around me continues practicing their tap combinations at completely different rates so all the tap shoes are clanking in every which way and all that noise, dear God, I hate that noise.
I never realized how afraid of that sound I am, no known reason why, just am.
I've been here and not here for this past week.
Sam and I performed the Roe v. Wade production. We received a standing ovation. People were proud, and excited. The feedback we've received has been comforting and reminds me of why we decided to embrace this controversial topic to begin with. The project is hereby over for now. We may be editing and doing something bigger with it over the summer. I need to find a job, the only problem is I WILL NOT WORK WITH FOOD. That would not be healthy for me. NO WORKING WITH FOOD OR CONSTRUCTION because the smell of construction job sites makes me want to vomit. I hope to visit Jenny in the early part of June. I need to obtain my driver's license. I have yet to do that, I know. I know.
Scenes were performed on Thursday and Friday night. Thursday's performance was much better than Friday's. All of us (the actors) seemed much more focused on listening to each other on Thursday night. Granted there were a few distractions; A LOUD OBNOXIOUS TWO YEAR OLD CRYING, a whole row of ADHD adults who forgot their medication squirming, and people walking in and out of the theatre during the middle of some one's scene.
Thursday night Mere and Aunt Pam and my twins and Jordan came to see it. They are so beautiful, brought beautiful flowers and yummy white chocolate I couldn't eat because it had almonds in it. It was so beautiful though, we went to dinner and then I felt horrible because at dinner my sisters and I didn't really talk much. Mere and I did; which was wonderful and I needed to talk to someone, I've felt so far away from people recently. The twins seemed tired and like they didn't have much to talk about. We don't talk about their school because they hate school. We talked about movies that are coming out but I don't know the up and coming movies. We talk about books but the only book I've been reading the past four weeks in Angels in America: Part One and Two, and trying to explain why I am so compelled by that work is like trying to justify getting stoned out of my mind, driving to Texas, adopting a seven year old, binging on 14 cheeseburgers and then driving back home to introduce the seven year old to my family who is trying to figure out how they are going to afford to send me to school. So, obviously I did not discuss Angels in America. So I talked about school and the year end most of the time and I know THEY MUST GET TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT SCHOOL but I CANNOT HELP IT. I LIVE AT SCHOOL, MOST, STRIKE THAT, ALL OF MY "SOCIAL" LIFE INCLUDES MY STUDIO MEMBERS WHO I SPEND EVERYDAY ALL DAY IN CLASS WITH. Anyway, it is something that concerns me and IfeellikeabadfriendwhenIcanbringnothingmoretothetableofconversationbutthenirealizethattheywillstilllovemeanywayandtheworldisnotgoingtoendsimplybecauseiamcanthinkofnothingmoretodiscuss.
Then on Friday night I had a rather large group of supporters. My Grandeddy and sister Jourdan came. My dear mentors and friends Amy and K.F. came. That was exciting. The two Lindas, both working on behalf of child abuse prevention and understanding came, brought their friend Cheryl. That was nice. They seemed very impressed by the work.
Amy said something that was really encouraging and still is, especially with evaluations approaching, she said: Ya know, at the end we couldn't believe what had just happened, we just sat there in our chairs for a few minutes in awe of what had been done.
It was a special night. I am going to miss working with Jason, as hard headed as he can be sometimes. I am going to mis- No. Save the missings for Wednesday when I have to leave. For now I must go pack.
Yesterday Ms.Hepburn and I went to Pat's (Patrick) house to paint. We repainted his bedroom, from salmon pink to robin's egg blue. The whole room. It was exhausting but semi-relaxing, all that light blue. Then I had my first Sushi experience and it was very tasty, left me with warm fuzzy feelings.
Then we met members of Studio III and Studio IV at a sports grill downtown, sat with them. I don't remember the conversations really. I was in and out. At some point we ended up at the school's courtyard where a dance was going on, a DJ was there. Nothing too thrilling though. Danced for 15 or 20 minutes and then headed back to the destroyed room. It is disgusting. There is barely room to walk in here, both Sam and I are in that stage of packing with everything must be destroyed before it can be clean again. I'm worried I'm not going to have enough boxes. I should have had Mere or Grandeddy bring me some more. Such as life.
Then a terrible series of brain malfunctions occurred; I have little memory of each. Flashbacks, panic attacks, sweaty hands and dead feet. I didn't feel it would be smart to stay in the room by myself so I went to Ms.Hepburn's room and talked about relationship issues and listened to Thomas Dybdahl and did some hardcore reminiscing. I crawled in Lindsay's bed (her roommate, who was originally scheduled to be my roommate but it wasn't organized that way for whatever reason). She wasn't there, she was at home. Lindsay got her first tattoo yesterday. We are all really happy for her, she's been wanting one for a long time. She designed it herself. We will get to see it this afternoon. For next year I am going to make more of an effort to spend more time with Lindsay because she is such a beautiful, fun, outgoing person with a lot of talent and kindness to offer the world. I fell asleep later in Ms.Hepburn's arms to the sound of music. It was nice. I woke up though hours later confused and in nightmare aftermath. Such as life.
I am very hard on myself some days and want everything to be all better but then I breathe and step back and look at how far Grace has brought me and this whole healing journey that I'm on- which believe me if anyone has a problem with phrases like "healing journey" it's me- but I cannot deny what it is. When I look at all of this I realize that I am coping the best ways I can and it is not going to be all better over night and I just need to live moment by moment but-
for now, in this moment I need to clean and pack.
I have two finals tomorrow; one in French and one in Tap. I am equally terrified of the two.
Remember three things today:
1.) God loves.
2.) Children all over the world are being hurt in unimaginable ways.
3.) "So it goes."
and we beat on, praying for the innocents.
love, jessieh
3.16.2008
The head pounds. One of those not-here posts.
For some reason today I cannot stop thinking about the Humanities Project.
The beautiful Sam and I are partnering up for this as well. The Roe v. Wade Project has been really wonderful working with her and I am so glad she decided to work with me for all of next year as well. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my role as a survivor of sexual violence in the project. The project's focus is sexual violence awareness through the arts. I often wonder how I would fit in the project if it were not a "personal" thing to me. It's personal for Sam too, personal in different ways. I'm sure I would have the same amounts of compassion and I'm sure my drive to see the end of sexual violence would be the same. I'm not making sense. I received a copy of Ellen Bass and Laura Davis' The Courage to Heal Friday in the mail. We are using it as a resource for the project but I've done some personal interest reading as well.
Sam and I have so much work to do this week for the Roe v. Wade Project. While it is incredibly exciting, it also has a certain level of expectation and stress involved.
I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed and am very relieved to know that I do not have school next week. It is going to be nice, to have time to breathe and think and practice and think and write and memorize and read.
The throat hurts, allergies.
Church this morning was beautiful.
Secret # 2, 158, 924:
Whenever I see women outside of abortion clinics with scary pro-life signs, I imagine someone from across the street calling the fire department and I imagine their pro-life signs being sprayed violently. I consider myself a fairly peaceful person and when I see women trying to betray their very right to choose with disturbing anti-choice signs, I want to throw something harmless but irritating at them, give them a pie in the face.
love, jessieh
12.17.2007
Nerving the stomach.
Today marks the beginning of exam day. I have a French exam that I have not prepared for in appoximately one hour. I am not going to prepare for it. I spent nine hours yesterday in English-exam limbo. I took the English exam this morning and did well. I am a nervous wreck. For gentle and not so gentle reasons.
The gentle reasons:
I have exams all week. French is going to be disgustingly terrible. I looked at the study guide and my brain said, "Qu'est-ce what?" I gave up.
Tonight Studio III performs our scene showcase. I am so scared. I am terrified. And excited. Terribly excited about this. I know that we will feel so good as soon as it is over. As bad as it may go, I mean, worst possible outcome, it will still be much better than it would have been three months ago and this shows growth.
The not-so-gentle reasons
It is less than ten days until Christmas.
I leave for Columbia on Thursday. I am nervous about going home.
I feel disconnected, completely disconnected from the world around me right now.
The Good:
Jesus loves everyone.
Mere and the twins and a very special lady are coming to see the showcase tonight. It will be nice to see them all.
I was able to reconnect with someone who I have been trying to communicate with for nearly six years. The reconnection was a God-ordained one.
The Bad:
I am not hungry ever.
I am not studying for the French Exam. It scares me to much.
love, jessieh
12.09.2007
An update from the speakers after all this time.
An update from the speakers:
It has been quite some time since I have actually taken the time to write. Now it seems as though I haven't any idea what to write. Life has been incredibly busy. I am in a scene from James McLure's Laundry and Bourbon, Ms. Hepburn in one of my scene partners, which is exciting. We do not feel that we have really been able to perform the escence of the scene yet and this is disapointing. I dissapoint myself often. The self-esteem is at an alltime low. Thankfully, after over a year of psychotherapy I am able to cope with this more effectively. I can't imagine how many scars there would be on the stomach this year, or how many operations I would have had performed on the esophagus. Self-mutilation and purging are not two examples of healthy coping skills. Every day, I want to throw up my food. By Grace, we do not. School is going by very very fast. really starting to enjoy the modern dance class, pulled the chemistry grade up, failed the last english test, learning to take more and more risks in acting, I am started to feel things, in life and onstage and this excites me. I want more than anything to be able to connect with people and ideas in a way that I haven't been able to before. I also hope to continue organizing things in a way that will allow me to learn so much about the world around me.
This holiday season has been incredibly painful. Most days I spend talking to myself and reminded myself of who I am, and where I am, and what is going on around me. I lose time alot. I forget things often. I spend time in another world, a better place many days and I don't know what happens when I am away there. This is part of living during Christmas. I am fearful that I will not get to spend time with the people I love this year for some horrific reason, yet the logical, the most logical part of my mind that exists tells me that I will.
I am grateful for the love in my life. I am thankful for the life I have and I am sad, very sad everyday.
love, jessieh
"We are the green leaves on December trees."
-Ms.Hepburn, Jessieh, Mary, and Ana
12.03.2007
A beautiful woman named Lucy
Tonight, while I was at dinner, I met this incredible woman. Her name is Lucy. She is beautiful. I will write more about her once I am given permission to do so.
Love, jessieh
PS: and we were having one of the worst days of our lives until she showed up.
11.19.2007
The future marriageship and nightmare story # 57,622,789
and while I was away at the mountains enjoying a beautiful day... (From Marcella Chester at Abyss2Hope.blogspot.com) Officially, the 19-year-old Saudi woman, who was raped 14 times by 7 men later found guilty of rape, was sentenced for being alone with a man who wasn't a relative of hers, but the reality is that the punishment was a direct result of her daring to report rape. And the rape looks to be a direct result of rapists discovering that she was breaking Saudi law.The judge who imposed this sentence would likely say that she was asking for it and that what happened to her is the reason for the law and the reason the law must be enforced even when the criminal turns into a crime victim.
The US is not immune to injustice against rape victims. We have rape called theft of services and many citizens don't think twice about slandering half the population by talking about women's inherent dishonesty when it comes to rape accusations.
What I want to know is whether the man this rape victim was with when they were abducted was also given the same sentence. If it is a crime for a woman to be alone with a male non-relative it should be an equal crime for a man to be alone with a female non-relative.
When men refuse to be as accountable as they expect women to be they don't make themselves look like good men.
love, jessieh
11.15.2007
11.07.2007
11.01.2007
Her first Halloween
Esmerelda and Agnes of God
With the Magical Waldo
Esmerelda and Sister Twister
and the grand appearance of Mr. Tromsness and Mr. Murrayand guess what: WOMEN OF LOCKERBIE OPENS TONIGHT!
love, jessieh
8.03.2007
I don't know these speakers.
A bad game of Jeopardy
"and down by the river the fisherman try and weep for the women, as stones, thrown like ships into the sea."---
"We are all good people, or at least we are born that way. I don't believe anyone is born with a 'badness' about them. I believe good people make bad choices, and thereby become subject to a certain amount of 'badness'. Stealing someone's parking spot is a level 0.000025 badness while raping a child, is somewhere near a level 989,984,328,978,999,973,309,799,845,759,847,213.98 badness. I think my accumulated level of 'badness' is somewhere between a 20-30 on the badness scale and these numbers mostly involve self-inflicted harm. "
---
"I know I am probably driving you insane with this 'oh my goodness we have got to get ready. we're late, we're late, Alice in wonderland' planning business but when you get this comment would you please give me a call. I hate leaving voice mails on telephones or I would have called you and I personally feel like I have called you too many times today, even though I've only called you once. So, because I am neurotic and have evidently inherited by Grandmother's OCD by way of genetics: Please call me. I have a few more questions."
---
"For a fleeting moment on Saturday, I considered killing myself. Be not concerned."
---
"Dad, they call it 'kidnapping' because it is kidnapping."
-
love, jessieh
7.30.2007
Preliminary Requirements (for hell)
Went shopping Saturday for 'all-things-Governor's School'. It was eventful to say the least and upon the purchase of four pairs of dance shoes, I considered the brief thought of running toward the nearest bridge and jumping off.
I AM NOT A DANCER.
Dancing requires mind-body connections. I have been spending my whole life finding ways to avoid those. I am terrified.
l o v e , jessieh
7.27.2007
7.14.2007
I could not tell (and all these books to read)
I Could Not Tell- Sharon Olds
I could not tell I had jumped off that bus,
that bus in motion, with my child in my arms,
because I did not know it. I believed my own story;
I had fallen, or the bus had started up
when I had one foot in the air.
I would not remember the tightening of my jaw,
the irk that I’d missed my stop, the step out
into the air, the clear child
gazing about her in the air as I plunged
to one knee on the street, scraped it, twisted it,
the bus skidding to a stop, the driver
jumping out, my daughter laughing
Do it again.
the irk that I’d missed my stop, the step out
into the air, the clear child
gazing about her in the air as I plunged
to one knee on the street, scraped it, twisted it,
the bus skidding to a stop, the driver
jumping out, my daughter laughing
Do it again.
I have never done it
again, I have been very careful.
I have kept an eye on that nice young mother
who lightly leapt
off the moving vehicle
onto the stopped street, her life
in her hands, her life’s life in her hands
again, I have been very careful.
I have kept an eye on that nice young mother
who lightly leapt
off the moving vehicle
onto the stopped street, her life
in her hands, her life’s life in her hands
---
meanwhile, I'm busy reading away...
reading more books than my brain would ever allow
Reading
and re-reading I'm Eve by Chris Costner Sizemore
love, jessieh
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