Thank You Meriluni

and it's 17 days before I leave,

and I don't have my two monologues memorized,

and I don't have "Letters to a Young Poet" fully read

and I am on here blogging.What an Idiot I am.

This is a personal statement.

I have diet coke.

I am making the full all-out "to pack" list now.

I will be with my twins tommorow and I have therapy.

I have a workout on Thursday with my nazi Sam and the lovely Ms.Hepburn,

and GUESS WHAT! After we monologue for awhile, guess what we are going to do?

We are going to sit on our little white, tired, becoming-muscular butts

and watch HAPPY ENDINGS...

because the ending had better be happy.

I'm off to clean.

and read.

and monologue.

this is craziness with Ani DiFranco, Tori Amos, and Sharon Olds tagging along.

love, jessieh

Preliminary Requirements (for hell)

Went shopping Saturday for 'all-things-Governor's School'. It was eventful to say the least and upon the purchase of four pairs of dance shoes, I considered the brief thought of running toward the nearest bridge and jumping off.

I AM NOT A DANCER.

Dancing requires mind-body connections. I have been spending my whole life finding ways to avoid those. I am terrified.

l o v e , jessieh

Donation of the Uterus (and other parts)

love, jessieh

Elizabeth Edwards Criticizes Hillary Clinton (and irritates yours truly)

(Provided by The Associated Press)
NEW YORK (July 20) - Former President Clinton spoke out on behalf of his wife, Hillary Rodham Clinton, after Elizabeth Edwards criticized the Democratic front-runner for not being a strong advocate for women

"If you look at the record on women's issues, I defy you to find anybody who has run for office in recent history whose got a longer history of working for women, for families and children, than Hillary does," Bill Clinton said Thursday in an interview on ABC's "Good Morning America."

On Tuesday, in an interview published in the online magazine Salon, Elizabeth Edwards said that her husband John Edwards would be a more consistent champion for women if elected president."Keeping that door open to women is actually more a policy of John's than Hillary's," she said, suggesting the New York senator may be avoiding women's issues to "behave as a man."

Elizabeth Edwards said she sympathized with Clinton, who is running to be the first female president. She recalled the challenges she faced early in her career as a female lawyer and said she understood the pressures Clinton must feel."Sometimes you feel you have to behave as a man and not talk about women's issues. I'm sympathetic - she wants to be commander in chief," she said.

President Clinton disputed that contention."I don't think she's trying to be a man. I don't think it's inconsistent with being a woman that you can also be knowledgeable on military and security affairs and be strong when the occasion demands it."

I don't consider that being manly. I consider that being a leader," he said.Earlier this week a spokesman said the Senator's presidential campaign would have no comment on the remarks.

The interview wasn't the first time that Elizabeth Edwards has criticized Clinton. In October, she told an audience that her choices in life had made her happier than the New York senator. Edwards later apologized to Clinton, saying she thought her comments had been off the record.

---
The Two Cents: Looking at all of the Presidential Candidates, Hillary Clinton is the one who puts the most time, energy and money into issues that affect women. I don't understand how Mrs.Edwards can make such a claim. I don't see the fruit of her husband's actions benefitting more than a select group of women. To sum it up into a little more organized fashion: If I were voting for the President based on their interest in the welfare of women, I would vote Hillary Clinton.

And excuse me: Mrs. Edwards, pardon my ignorance, but I'm not exactly sure as to what exactly you are doing, or have done to help the women of the world? I mean I did notice your work with Planned Parenthood, but uh- is there anything else? Have you been creating sexual assault hotlines in your spare time? How about women's crisis networks? Are you a strong activist for the rights of women? Have you been working alongside your husband to enhance the research for AIDS? Are you working on providing affordable accessible health care (so that women too, can have their physical and psychological illnesses treated)? Was your first job out of law school working at the Children's defense fund? I mean, you did go to law school, didn't you? Are you working to end violence against women (and their children) ? Are you working to insure than all Americans (not just men) are treated with respect and dignity? Have you been hard at work strengthening the middle class and making women visible in the work place? Are you leading the charge in the Senate to strengthen equal pay laws? Did you expand access to family planning services (or were just talking about planned parenthood)? Does your family planning services include low-income women? Did you speak out forcefully when the Supreme Court failed to recognize the importance of Women's health this year? Have you spoken out strongly against sex-trafficking, and supported the organizations that help victims of such crimes? Oh and one last question, Did you by any chance help found Vital Voices, a non-profit organization specifically designed for women and girls?

Well- Guess what, HILLARY would have answered all of the above with a 'Yes'. and...

Mrs. Edwards, when you have accomplished the above mentioned, feel free to criticize Mrs. Clinton. Until then, please-for your sake- keep your mouth shut.

love, jessieh

(and PS: Hillary doesn't have to act like a man, she is the man.)

Sad Story Number 95,216,847,391

The Sad Story I read first thing this morning.

love, jessieh

and:

the glass sliding door exploded last night:

I think it looks neat, but not 500 dollars worth of neat.

Poo on the glass makers.

Before:

After:

Just as a side note...

.Some Favorite Celebrities.

There are more important things I could be discussing. I've decided against importance.

love, jessieh

Packing lunches for the Brady Bunch

love, jessieh

Focus

the bad:

1. Children all over this free country are being tortured.

2. I am an idiot, therefore, I have misplaced my cellphone and I forgot to wear sunscreen today.

3. Ms.Hepburn and I are not on the same floor for Governor's School.

4. I will more than likely not be able to continue therapy while away at school.

5. The throat hurts.

6. I feel fat.

7. I still haven't mailed off my Governor's School forms that were due on the 13th of July. I'm not overly-concerned about missing the requested deadline. I feel bad about it but I am working on it.

8. I dreamt last night that Sharon Olds died today. To my knowledge, she didn't.

9. The stomach hurts.

the good:

1. Jesus loves everyone.

2. Ms.Hepburn likes Ani DiFranco.

3. We are going to Greenville tomorrow. This is going to be good.

4. We will get to see our Discovery Instructors and I may even tell Castor how much her class inspired me.

5. The twins survived last night with my Grandmother.

6. I went to Charleston today. It was beautiful.

7. I've lost four pounds.

8. My roomate for Governor's School is Sam Orr. She is incredible.

9. I am shaving the legs tomorrow.

10. I worked out extra long today.

11. This list, will always be longer than the previous one.

---

I had nothing to do with the below:

I am, frankly, rather frustrated with the fact that every time I lose something rather insignificant; keys, cellphones, watches (that I don't wear anymore because I can't keep one), an ink pen I really liked- When I realize that the insignificant 'it' is missing, I literally and honestly think I would be better off dead and count the reasons I should (and really want to) stay alive.

This is a problem. A BIG problem.
I promise to write more soon.

love, jessieh

Business

Busy week, looking forward to it.

That's it. What a tease.

love, jessieh

I could not tell (and all these books to read)

I Could Not Tell- Sharon Olds

I could not tell I had jumped off that bus,

that bus in motion, with my child in my arms,

because I did not know it. I believed my own story;

I had fallen, or the bus had started up

when I had one foot in the air.

I would not remember the tightening of my jaw,
the irk that I’d missed my stop, the step out
into the air, the clear child
gazing about her in the air as I plunged
to one knee on the street, scraped it, twisted it,
the bus skidding to a stop, the driver
jumping out, my daughter laughing
Do it again.

I have never done it
again, I have been very careful.
I have kept an eye on that nice young mother
who lightly leapt
off the moving vehicle
onto the stopped street, her life
in her hands, her life’s life in her hands

---

meanwhile, I'm busy reading away...

reading more books than my brain would ever allow

Reading

and re-reading I'm Eve by Chris Costner Sizemore

love, jessieh

Dooce.com

Why I am a reader of Heather B. Armstrong at Dooce.com:

http://www.dooce.com/archives/nubbin/07_10_2007.html

It's wonderful.

Overheard in DC

Be glad you didn't hear this conversation. Be more glad that you weren't a part of it.

-

Woman A: How's that apple fritter?

Woman B: It's a bulimic's dream.

Woman A: What about the 'class' factor?

Woman B: When you are barfing up your food, there is no class factor. Once that puke is in the hair, it doesn't matter how sophisticated you thought you were.

Woman A: That's why I just don't eat.

-

Focus.

Reader's Note: Please notice the other entries entitled 'Focus.' from the blog archive in the panel located on the right-hand side of the page. In comparison, the following will seem rather insignificant.

The Bad
1. Children all over this free country are being tortured.
2. I was tempted to write 'innocent' children, but have avoided ever using the term 'innocent' in reference to children, it would imply that some children are not innocent. This however, is not the case. When referring to children, innocence is implied.
3. I have been having a terrible time sleeping, therefore, staying awake is getting harder.
4. I am losing time.

The Good
1. I am with the twins. I always feel safer with the twins.
2. April's Law Petition has recieved more and more signatures.
3. I've been reading this blog -> (dooce.com). It's pretty interesting.
4. We are ordering my required textbooks this week.
5. I have been given a box filled with school supplies from a woman who just threw the box in her basement and told my friend to 'get rid of it'. Gladly.
6. Jesus loves everyone.

7. The Twins are teaching me Korean and I like it. :)
8. This list is shorter than the bad, and will probably be getting longer.

and this is always nice...


love, jessieh

Yes. I'm scared. What's new?

In about a month, I leave for school.

I'm just now becoming really anxious.

I've been having interesting dreams about

a.) me being the fattest person there.

b.) me waking up in the middle of the stage at school and not knowing what I'm doing there. That's frightening.

c.) being asked to leave because I'm not good enough.

I am freaking out.

I haven't done so many things and I keep thinking that I have more time than I do but I don't.

I haven't even purchased all of my required reading.

I'm not in shape.

We haven't started thinking about the things I will need for my dorm. Meanwhile Ms.Hepburn and her mother are out shopping, arguing about what she won't be needing.

It's just now setting in that I won't be seeing my twins and this terrifies me. I am so afraid.

and on top of all of this, I'm still concerned that I will stop eating because the pressure to be thinner will weigh me down to starvation mode. I'm also worried that I am going to have a nervous breakdown.

I'm scared.

The end.

love, jessieh

The Sadness of Leaving

Hoping that the weather will cancel the flight home. love, jessieh

About Washington, DC

• Apple Fritters are a drug
• The Container Store was designed for people with OCD
• Congo and Ciaro are the coolest mutts, and the most interesting bunnies at the dog park.
• Do not hold a door open for anyone, they snarl at you.
• Never tell a cop you are from the south, he will laugh at you.
• Take pictures with older protesters carrying signs made from copy paper and magic marker.
• Do not go to the movies and one scoop of Hershey's ice cream is not worth eight obnoxious dollars.
• 'He' is going to more than likely actually be a 'She' and neat part is, you'll never know.
• Dupont Circle is a very happy, friendly place where Santa shares cigarettes with Ani DiFranco.
• Whole Foods Market is for yuppies but Safe Way Grocery is just too scary for the average folk.
• The UPS employees are rough-edge nice.
• The tour-guides at The National Museum of Women in the Arts are of no assistance, and while you may be there for a particular exhibit, look around, the other exhibits will more than likely be better.
• Chevitz has the most colorful office in the whole city.
• Pedestrians actually have the right-a-way.
• If you live in Downtown DC, you don't have a child-sitter, you have a dog-sitter and you treat he or she better than the in-laws. You give your dog-nanny Christmas Presents because at the parks, there are more dogs than people, always.
• The White House isn't especially interesting, it's just a big, white house. The people standing out front are far more interesting than the actual building.
• -Go find the bronze colored, giant Einstein. He is wonderful.
• Visit the National Cathedral. It's incredible.
• Unless you are prepared for a nervous breakdown, do not visit the Holocaust Museum.
• Have fun. Eat a Philly cheese steak, and visit the hole in the wall 24hour diner. Just ask around, the people will tell you where it is.
• When arriving at the airport, drive up to the top level of parking, open your car doors, turn on the music very loud, and dance like an idiot. No one will care. More than likely, they won't even notice.
• Watch 'The Family Stone'
• Help a friend move everything she owns into boxes, and out of her house.
• Take at least 3 showers a day.
• Drink more than 55 diet cokes in a week.
• Smile. The people in DC, they don't do it enough.
• Take pictures, of everything and wait for someone to call the police. Find out what's wrong with Frank Warren.
• Meet new bloggers and mail yourself packages from three states away.
• Drive down the interstate, windows down, full speed.
• Watch the Fireworks on YouTube, the crowds are disgusting.
• Meet your friend's ex-boyfriend and let him be your tour guide.
• Laugh.Live.Love.

love, jessieh

Before 2AM. No memory.

and we almost ran that red light back there. She tapped her fingers to the music and without pause, slammed her hand, flat, into the power button of the radio, 'ya know," she laughed, "The doctor made a great point, this isn't going to be hard, well not as hard as we think.' I laugh, and know at the same time that it is not funny. "Oh, really?" I ask.

"We have so much rage. Rage is energy.Can you imagine what I could do with this rage? With this rage I could build buildings by myself, I could stay up for months. With this rage, I could burn a whole country."

love, jessieh

{PS: After she saw it she said, "I like the doggy." and I laughed, still not funny.}

Yesterday's Tourism

love, jessieh

PostSecret Madness

-This Blog Contains Stolen Subject Matter And Material-

from: http://setcycletospin.blogspot.com/

I'm out of town.

So I stopped blogging.

And I guess the only thing that makes me want to blog is other people's idiocy. I think that's what I'll rename this blog. Other People's Idiocy.I'm sure you've heard of PostSecret. It's a great art project that has touched many people's lives. People write their secrets on postcards and send them to Frank Warren, who runs the site on his own time for no money. He picks twenty or so cards each week, probably from hundreds or thousands, and puts them up as images. PostSecret is usually ranked in the Top 20 blogs read nationally on Technorati .

It's worth mentioning that Frank's mailing address is his actual house and it is displayed clearly on the site.Frank posts every Sunday. There were no new cards this week, not Sunday morning, Sunday night, or today. In addition, the comments section, which he usually screens and picks out maybe four or five to post, had gone insane, with over 3,500 comments there last time I looked. Alot of them were people posting their own secrets, supporting eachothers secrets, a few of them were people attacking eachother's secrets, some of them were wondering what had happened to Frank. Additionally, the suicide prevention number that had always been on the site was gone. No explanations. The monkeys had totally taken over the lab.

After reading 40 or so comments that asked where Frank was or begging someone to drive to his house to check on him, I did the following.

It was incredibly difficult and it took days and days of my time.

1) I Googled Germantown + Marlyand + police

2) I called the police department and said "I know this may sound strange, but. . " and then told them what I just told you.

3) The police said they would drive out to check on him and had me repeat what I had said to a dispatcher

4) I called back when they told me to and I was told Frank went on vacation.

I won't get in to the madness that is PostSecret right now, with so many posts that i can't download the site anymore. A lot of the people there seem to be supporting and helping eachother with their secrets, which is great.What I will say is this -- clearly I don't blog enough for anyone to get worried when I don't, but what happened with Frank was like someone not showing up to work for 8 days.

So to my family and friends:If I ever disappear for more than a usual amount of time and you have no way of reaching me, CALL THE FREAKING POLICE.And I promise that if you ever disappear, I won't sit at my computer and wring my hands and try to figure out what message you're trying to send me with your absence. I will also call the freaking police. Bloggers, let your audiences know if you are leaving town and don't plan to to communicate.

love, jessieh

PS: Thus far, on my trip, I've made eleven PostSecrets. If Frank doesn't post any of them, I promise to post them here. Well, maybe.