Focus.

THE BAD

1. Children all over this free country are being tortured.

2. My school's administration has a problem with not only me wearing the word "vagina" on my shirt but evidently has an issue with the word "lesbian" as featured in an article I wrote about an accomplished, openly-homosexual senior at our school who lives with her much adored girlfriend. Because the administration became "concerned"(flipped-out), my school newspaper advisor has about 300 copies of the 28 page, special edition 75th Anniversary issue of the newspaper sitting in the back of his car. The printers are of course charging to make new ones. It seems that the faculty of Brookland-Cayce High School could simply overlook the word "lesbian". No one would force them to read the barely two-paragraph interview. There are 27 (and a half) other pages they could read, but it seems that the tight-knit community of Cayce, SC obviously would be utterly shocked to know that homosexuals actually attend the local high school. Imagine that- gay people actually reside and work and are productive, intelligent human beings- in Cayce, South Carolina? Really? (Notice the extreme sarcasm). That's just like when Joe Biden referred to Obama as "the first mainstream African- American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."

To many people in this community, sexual orientation is considered a moral issue. These same people often overlook other "moral" issues like drinking too much, or smoking cigarettes, or beating children, or doing drugs, or telling white lies to a spouse, etc. I want to jump across my Principal's desk and say "If your Valedictorian got knocked up, would you keep her a secret?!" No. Because the truth is, if the Valedictorian were pregnant, people in the community would be tolerant- granted, they might dare to merge on questions like "How could someone so smart make such a dumb choice?"-but the overall opinion would be morphed around her academic accomplishments not her personal life. It frustrates me to know that it doesn't matter where I move someone will still have a problem with the word "lesbian". The "cast-down" to the article came over the discussion of it being "controversial" and a "moral issue" amongst our (majority) Christian community. If Brookland-Cayce doesn't have the support of the community, they could loose a few football jerseys. Bummer. I think the administration might be surprised as to how many Christians wouldn't freak out about there being a lesbian at our school. The Christians don't freak out because the students are sleeping together? They don't cause uproar over the common knowledge that students chew tobacco or smoke on and off campus...I am Christian. It doesn't "freak me" out to know that I have a classmate who is a beautiful person and yes, a lesbian. Yet we choose not to represent the students as who they are, because who they are, could hypothetically offend the community or be considered "immoral". If the community were really concerned with following fundamental Christian beliefs they would know that divorce is no more immoral in God's eyes than homosexuality, and perhaps work harder on bringing down the divorce rates...but that's just my two-cents.

3. I feel fat and disgusting and I have felt this way for about 6 days now.

4. I made a C on my English Exam. There were two tests and the two were averaged together. The first I took on a book I've never read and made a B on it. Funny. Eh? The second was on Julius Caesar, which I've read several times. I made a low C on that one. This grade is credited mostly to the detailed questions like "On what mountain did Caesar defeat Pompey?"...I don't know. Is that even in the play? I understand the general concept...I know a bunch Caesar's buddies didn't want Rome to be screwed up so they killed him. They felt like crap about it later, so they killed themselves. The end. - Wow. That summary would really tick off the Shakespeare Scholars, it would probably even irritate some of my close friends. Sorry Ms. Hepburn. If my English class didn't have windows all along the back wall that looked so tempting (especially while peppy students are reading aloud off-rhythm-censored-versions of Shakespeare) perhaps I'd find it more appealing. When we had to watch the movie, I rigged the blinds so I could look out the window and imagine myself flying. No one is ever going to ask me what mountain Caesar defeated Pompey on? If they do, I will surely call them an idiot to their face and ask them some random question about the temperature at which bread molds or something.

5. I haven't even thought about a graduation gift for Melanie and Julie and the party is in 4 days.

THE GOOD

1. I've been in touch with Jen. (See the link for Artconstellation under Recommended Reading)

2. I never have to go back to Brookland-Cayce High School again!

3. I'm listening to beautiful music on http://jessiehspeaks.imeem.com/playlist/qoKbk3vH/ . It's nice.

4. I have loving, patient, kind, generous, amusing sisters who I love more than anything, and they love me too which is a bonus.

5. I'm getting better even though I still feel like a basketcase.

6. I'm writing a lot.

7. Tomorrow morning I plan to spend my final hours of BC high school with my former history teacher who is at least 65, with a mustache and other admired physical qualities. I have a crush on him. He is far too old for any type of relationship. It's a pointless fascination, but it makes me feel silly and I need to be silly sometimes because I take myself entirely too seriously 98% of the time.

8. I made a high B on the math exam.

9. I have hid the diet cokes.

10. This list is longer than the bad, simpler too.

love, jessieh