6:00am-Wake.
6:25-Get out of shower.
7:15 -Be ready for the day.
7:30 -Breakfast.
8:00- Math
9:15- English
10:30- Science
11:45- Lunch
12:30- Ballet
1:15- Contemporary Acting
2:30- Voice and Speech
3:45- Kill-Your-Body Workout
5:15- Dinner & Shower (I'll eat fast)
6:00- Classical Acting
7:15- Viewpoints
9:30- Back to Dorms
10:00- Study Time
11:30- Lights out
I don't see time for a fifteen minute phone call to the twins, let alone an hour of therapy once a week. I know I need to continue therapy, I'm just worried about A.) Talking to Mr. Dan Murray about it and B.) Where it is going to fit... and then there is this whole thing about how much everything is going to end up costing. -I need jazz and ballet shoes. I have neither. I'm going to need an entire black wardrobe. The required texts and suggested texts. School supplies. Linens. A working lap top and flash drive. A mini-refrigerator because if I don't have one I'm going to be in serious trouble with the absurd amount of money I would be spending on buying diet coke from vending machines. -and that's not even the third of it.
Then there is time management skills, getting in shape, being able to survive the kill-your-body workouts. Not freaking out every time I have to say my name. Being one-hundred percent honest with Ms. Hepburn as far as she being my accountability partner. I'm terrified that I'll starve as soon as I get up there. That I'll simply just stop eating. It's awful. It's a bad thought. I know I'm going to eat. I want to be healthy.
and on top of everything else I have this terrible, paranoid, fear that I am going to somehow die before I get there. But I don't feel so weird for having this thought because Ms. Hepburn recently confided in me and said : me too.
love, jessieh
3 comments:
Lady,
I know right now it seems like a mountain of insurmountable size, but it does get better. Its the natural reaction to anything new...change is not the best for humans but somehow we adapt and, if its something we love-as i kno you love the idea of governors school, get through and love it!! Time isn't gonna be as much of a problem as you think...its just looks like a problem. Besides you're Jessieh and you can do anything!! Good luck at school, you're gonna be great!!
Courtney E.
I love you :p
Hi Jessieh,
Anxiety about something new is natural, you've experienced it before in so many ways. But in the time I have known you, I have watched you navigate any number of things that were terrifying and you have managed to survive them and thrive. While all the things you are stressed about are understandable, everyone of them relates to an incredible opportunity that you have dreamed of for several years. The end result of your stress is a gift, it is just a matter of managing the stress until you get there and discover everything will work out. Were you stressed the first time you went to Governor's School for the summer? How did it work out? Were you stressed about your auditions? How did they turn out? Focus on the positive and keep yourself in today. If you look ahead too far into the unkown, it often feel unmanagable. If you just look at what is ahead of you for this one day, it is usually something you can handle. The rest works itself out in time, even when we can't imagine how. Even if working it out is difficult, you are not alone, and there are answers out there. You just don't know what they are, yet.
Enjoy this wonderful opportunity. You are an incredible young woman and have navigated more difficult things than this. Trust that capable strong person you are, even when you feel understandably terrified. She hasn't disappeared.
I'll be remembering what you are capable of even when you are having difficulty doing so.
Your biggest fan,
KF
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