and for all the wrong reasons.
There have been many opportunities in my life for me to feel lower than a dog.
Right now though,
I am the angriest I have been in quite some time.
I am angry at the psychosis of the family I was born into.
and even Freud couldn't fix it.
the more than angry, but can't find a better word,
jessieh
PS: and sometimes I wonder why I even care about people to begin with, why I love. I just can't help myself. Or maybe I somehow like the idea of self-punishment. That must be it. I like feeling like crap. Exactly.
I can't think I'm so mad and I don't want to stop writing because I don't know what my other choices of coping mechanisms are right at the moment because I am not being rational and logical and
the end has to come somewhere.
off to the bathroom. to lock myself in it to think.
(no positive connotation implied)
4 comments:
Loving people is not a bad thing, and if we sometimes did not feel the pain of loving, then how would we know that we were even alive? I'm sorry that you are hurting and angry. We cannot control how other people treat us, but we can control weather to continue letting those people into our lives. Does any of this make sense?
Sending love and safe, warm hugs your way:)
Angie
To my Fritter: You are wonderful. You did not hurt yourself! You wrote and you blogged and talked and YOU DID NOT HURT YOURSELF. Good job! I love you. Good luck with the new shrink tomorrow. And the good news: Yesterday really IS gone. Love, The Jenny's p.s.- If I make you a t-shirt that says "THE FRITTER'S" would you wear it? I think it sounds less like something related to MPD/DID and more like the name of a rock band... I think I am going to make MYSELF a "Fritter's" shirt. ;-)
I would wear that shirt with the upmost love. However- FRITTERS wouldn't have an apostrophe, I don't think. It is plural, not possesive. I would love a T-shirt like that. :)
Just in case you needed a reminder, (which you prob. don't; especially from someone that doesn't even know you) you, Jessieh, love people because God is in you. "Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. ut anyone who does not love doesnot know God, for God is LOVE." 1john4:7-8 Also, somewhere in the good book, it says that "Christ's love compells us....." I'll have to look that one up. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I think you are an amazing person and I am so glad that You and Jenny have one another. You have an incredible future ahead of you, that is very evident!
may the Lord show you more and more of His great love for you,
Eve
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