the terrible truth ( a list of the events and what-not leading to now)

1. (Pema Chodron is a Buddhist nun introduced to me by Jenny. Number One on this list is a crudely paraphrased, yet very important idea of hers) We must accept the simple truth that pain is only human and knowing that, we must abandon all hope that we can escape it. Instead, we must learn and practice sitting with the pain, allowing it to impact us and make choices to help each other. We must learn to take care.

2. We are all in some kind of love.

3. I will not be another Prozac popper.

4. Sometimes I feel guilty to be living this life. Thousands upon thousands of children are being raped and butchered and eviscerated. The guilt motivates. It is the terrible truth behind my desires.

5. I enjoy Prob. & Stats. I love AP Lit. I am happiest in two places; with those I love and onstage.

6. College is this big giant sea of anxiety. I am so excited. I love the idea of being somewhere else that I can learn, and feast and develop. Right now though, I cannot imagine that day that I leave this school. It means leaving the work, leaving Studio IV, leaving the instructors and educators. My heart is filled with overwhelming gratitude to this institution.

7. I don't know where God is, but I know God must be somewhere.

8. Let's just get better together. And then some.

9. We are going to change the world. All of us. We humans, we're running out of other options.

10. Sarah Palin needs to stay in Alaska. They obviously like her there.

11. In the race for the cure, I came in 708th. Right behind a 78 year old man and a 7 year old little boy named Thomas. Great life.

12. We are Trojan women.

13. Yesterday we celebrated Banned Books week and the battle of censorship. We had a reading in the courtyard. I read from Dorothy Allison's Bastard Out of Carolina and Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues. Others read from Ulysses, The Handmaid's Tale and Brave New World.

14. Paul Newman died on Saturday. He and Joanne Woodward have been married for almost 50 years. The idea of him dying summons the idea of her dying and the day that she dies is going to be a sad sad day.

love, jessieh

Three pictures from the first month.

I will write more soon.

love, jessieh

In reply: (and PS)

I have recieved several e-mails wondering "where the blogging has gone to?". I promise to write very very soon. At the moment though my living-load is significantly overwhelming and trying, even attempting to sort things into some kind of order with words at this moment seems very difficult. I promise to write later today, at least to give an update of sorts.

love, jessieh